Another unanswered question like...

"Why are we here?"

So I'm sitting here at school, first class at 9:30am was canceled, and I can't go to my basketball class at 11 because I forgot my basketball shorts at home. WHACK! I could have been at home sleeping until like noon instead. I had some more NY last night anyways.

So why ARE we here? Don't know.

I say it like I've been doing it for years (when it's actually been a few days) but I'm still trying my hardest to make this whole relationship thing work out. I've recently realized another problem in our relationship and it's what we represent to each other in our respective perspectives. To me she is THE female, THE love of my life (so far?) and the only thing I see. Last night, while zoning out, I was thinking about my own future and coming home from work to my kids. I saw myself with a baby girl and without a thought to placing her there, Shay was my baby's mom, sitting on the couch watching our daughter waiting for me to get home. I was trippin off how she is just the first, only and unquestionable ruler of my heart. So I was thinking what did I mean to her...

Good news first. I'm pretty sure she sees me as someone special, someone different and someone she truly cares for if nothing else. Whether that "caring" encompasses love is entirely different. I doubt that for her having been in a long ass 7 year relationship with someone she gave her all to, she can look at me, the one month rookie boyfriend, and say she loves me. That's entirely fair. However, it makes things really difficult for me. While she sits there and kinda tries to deal with me on a day by day basis, I'm making a real true effort to build something with this girl and make her my future. I see how that might end up being a fault on my part, but honestly I'll be naive and 'weak' if it means I might get the end result I'm going for.

I'm also starting to think that she's going to break up with me before I get a chance to put in all the work I want to. So I guess we'll just have to see what happens with that. UNTIL NEXT TIME!