Winners and Losers

I'm a loser, but I'll never lose.

So, today I found out my ex was cheating on me the whole time. Not even on some she had another nigga on the side that she had feelings for shit. I mean like full blown fucking MAD other dudes and having them around me and shit type griminess. Which is kind of the worst way, but then again not really.

Let me start by saying I give her props for how smart, clever and sneaky she was about it. She had totally convinced me that the dudes she was talking to were just friends, that she just didn't like people going through her phone because she didn't like people in her business and that she would never cheat on me because she respected me far too much to ever do something like that. Or, well, she convinced me for about half a second.

Let me continue by saying that unfortunately for her, I'm still smarter than she ever will be. See, I had the feeling that the shit was going on the whole time and while it is true I brushed off most of the ideas in a true and honest attempt to trust her, I still saw all the signs and took note of all of them. I loved her, and I guess in some sense I still have love FOR her, that sense being that I feel sorry for her. Maybe what I found out is all part of some bigger shit that I don't even know about. I don't really care. Apparently somehow by me finding out and telling her she won a bet lmao.

Which brings to mind something she'll never understand: true strength. It's some real corny shit to say, but she's lost as fuck and needed to think she had power over something/someone (me) so she did whatever the fuck she felt like and marveled and how she still had me, or at least THOUGHT she had me, wrapped around her finger.

However, true strength doesn't come from overpowering others, it comes from being true to what you know deep down is right. That's what I've been doing since the first day I've been hurt, I've never changed how I acted out of spite or held a grudge against someone. I just kept doing me and stayed on the path I know I want to follow. I may be extremely kind, and some people might even say that it's to a fault and that people will ALWAYS take advantage of me. Yet, I'm a firm believer that good things happen to good people, but that good people aren't made; they're tested and raised. So, I really just see this as yet another test on my journey. I could almost be done, or I could be far from done. I may falter at points but I'll never sacrifice who I am in a moment of weakness.

So, yeah. I already know she'll see how wrong she was for doing it one day, or she'll live the rest of her life in faux-happiness. Either way, as my godfather Jay says it...... I will NOT lose.

Walking Away

AND

The Rain by Oran "Juice" Jones

The outro is classic! AHAHA