Wasting My Breath

I'm so out of place. I was born at the wrong time, or the wrong place, or maybe both. I've never cried like this before. Like, my whole fucking body feels like it's dying and my consciousness is fading. All because this was the girl I was so sure I could make it work with. People are such fragile beings. They get hurt enough and they will mentally disallow themselves to be hurt again. I CAN'T be human. Like, is there not a point at which I will become bitter, jaded and untrusting? Or will I continue to allow everything around me crumble while I tell myself everything will get better, forever?

And I know people laugh at me. I know people take advantage of me. I know they will fuck me over if they ever get the chance. Still, I absolutely refuse to change who I am. I am stupid as fuck and I am insane. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

So why the fuck does she still admire me? Why do she tell me it's a shame I came just a little too late? Why can't she let go of all the bullshit she's clung to for just ONE more shot? If anyone, ever, it should be me. You live in the matrix babe. It sucks here on the outside, especially all alone. Even if you were to come with me I know it would still be terrible. Yet I know that if we both give it our all, we can change that. But it has to be US, I can't do it alone. I'm begging you. I'm begging you with everything I have because I know that if I do have to do this alone I will fail.

But maybe I'm just wasting my breath....

Suicidal Thoughts