This will take a while.

I shouldn't be writing this blog right now, because I have school tomorrow and I'm rather certain this blog will take a while to write. However, the original intention of this blog was for it to be a comprehensive explanation of my thoughts and feelings, so I'll divulge them now while they're still fresh in my head.

First, my girl sometimes takes the things I say the wrong way. Saying somewhat 'iffy' things to her goes over well about half of the time. Like the whole 'I don't really ever think about her but when we're together I feel the feelings' thing. She told me she felt the exact same way, and it was awesome. But other times, I say things just to be open about how I feel and she takes it in the wrong way.

For instance, I've always known she kicked it with dudes mostly and that hasn't been a problem. Not even because she hasn't really been kickin it with them, but because I don't see it as a problem. I don't see shit as a problem really. I told her I trust her and I meant it. I honestly don't think she would do me wrong, so she can wear the booty shorts, kick it with dudes, drink with her friends, or anything else and I know she's good. But, when she told me a few of her closest friends were dudes that she either used to talk to or did more with, it makes things a little awkward. Like, I trust her around them no doubt, but just the idea rubs me the wrong way.

I tried to put it into perspective for her by saying it's like if I always kicked it with Alexis. Not that I would actually do anything, but still.......WHY? I don't know man, I know who I am and I know I can get angry and jealous over bullshit so I learned from that and now I'm putting my trust in her. I can't say what she will or won't do, all I can do is have faith that I'm being the boyfriend I need to be in order for her not to ever even THINK about cheating, get it?

Other than that though, she's amazing. To this day everything we do still comes so natural for me that sometimes I have to slap myself to make sure I'm not dreaming lol. I'm starting to settle in to the boyfriend mode of living, even though I still flirt. =) I just feel so good knowing we're here for each other though, it's like an emotional version of a having a LONG ass day and coming home to lay in your bed. After all the bullshit, drama, lies, crying, frustration, anger, sadness and pain I finally feel comfortable and I finally feel safe. It's even more amazing in the sense that it's not some overwhelming, earth-shattering emotion that throws me off, because that kind of shit is how people end up realizing they were infatuated with someone rather than slowly falling in love with them. I'll take wandering around until I finally find a comfortable place to rest ANY day. =D

Secondly, Cordell, my brother, my twin, if you're reading this right now or some time WAYYYYYY in the future lol, just know I love you bro. We work like the Yin-Yang and it's crazy how we vibe. It's like each of us perfected certain parts of life until we met and then taught each other how to perfect what we missed along the way. You're so knowledgeable and yet so dumb, and I know you feel the same way about me lol. All I know is we'll continue to teach each other, learn from each other, guide and protect each other for a long, long time. I respect you like a mentor, and teach you like a student. I look up to you like a big brother, and look out for you like a little brother. I love you as a brother, and appreciate you as a friend. You're my twin, fuck whatever anybody else thinks. We still have a lot of work to do though, so let's do it, aight?

And with that, I'll go to bed filled with too many emotions to even keep track of any longer.

LOGIC SPEAKS!