What the fuck.

I don't even know what fucking emotion to feel today. I wake up to my phone ringing.....

It's my dad.
His van broke down.

This is my dad who just came back from Texas with my brothers and nothing else BUT that van. The van he needs to get to work. The van he needs to take my brothers to school. The van he needs PERIOD.

And now, the van he doesn't have.

I can't do this shit forever yo. How am I even supposed to focus on school or work or anything else if in the back of my mind I'm living with the knowledge that my dad and little brothers are fucked?

I want to help, but how much can I do? At what point do I help TOO much and end up in the same position as my dad when I get his age? I don't want to just barely make it all my life, but no matter how much I try and do for myself, his problems sneak up behind me and keep me from moving forward.

Then my dad kind of gives me this half-ass, "Everything will be alright." which I didn't believe, and I come home to turn on the TV and watch Barack Obama give a speech after his inauguration. He says everything will be alright too, and that with hope we will overcome anything...

Maybe they're right, and maybe they're wrong. In times like this, hope IS all we have. It just sort of seems like the only reason to fight for it though is that anything is better than nothing.

Fuck it, I'm outro.