Well would you look at that!

Mad verses. Old unfinished tracks I finally get to finish. I like this music stuff. =)

Not too much to report on follower (if even one of you exist!) but I will say I'm moving in while keeping my space. Makes mad sense right? Either way, I'm gone, I have to go please the fans.

The Sound Is God

Man, this shit is a ghost in my room for thoughts. Just the woman singing. I've never heard someone sing with that much passion. And even though I don't know what she's saying, I KNOW she means it. Which is a whole lot better than most people who speak English can lay claim to. Smh. If I didn't have to get up early I would black on that shit TONIGHT.


Some shit was on my head real tough today, and I can't remember what it was. Isn't that funny? We always think some shit's soooooo important and then look back and don't even remember what it was that was so important to begin with. I do that shit all the time.

I might rock IN LOVE, Love Line, San Pedro Cactus and Your Summer Song too. Plus a couple others. Niggas can make good beats, Exile can.

Oh and by the way I want to put this out there. Sometimes I will randomly feel someone elses pain. Just for a moment. And it's overwhelming. The other day at work a customer asked me if I had 3 cases of yogurt in the back, because that's all his wife could eat anymore. I was like "Yeah, let me check for you real quick."

Then as soon as I got in the back as I was thinking about how that might feel I kind of blacked out and felt the slow decay of getting older, of my health deteriorating, of not being able to do the most simple of things anymore and that shit HURT. Not like a physical pain, although I did kind of double over a little. It was like my soul landed on it's head. Hard to explain.

But y'all don't have to believe me.

I wish I could take everyone's pain. I'll be miserable so you can all be happy. Truly happy. Not the fake myspace picture happy. HAPPY, happy. Dead ass. On some modern day Jesus shit. BLASPHEMY!

Mega Mix

My minds racing

It's crazy because these days I have so much going on that I never have time to focus on any ONE thing.

Cordell has forgotten who the fuck I am.
My mom seems to be forgetting I'm my own, grown man.
I'm trying to find myself a girl to kick it with.
I'm trying to find out how I can help Amanda to the best of my ability.
I just realized my 'drug' is much harder to quit when I keep looking at it.
My inner circle is thinning.
My attitude is getting worse.
I wish I had more money so I could get a reliable car.
I'm trying to finish this semester strong with all A's.
I want to make music but I need a producer to really vibe with.
I'm still dealing with the idea that nobody understands me.

And a bunch more shit that is too much to list.

It's not even overwhelming or bringing me down I just end up feeling like I need more time alone. I have plenty of chances to go out but I tend to avoid them a lot more now than I used to. I guess it's all pretty much pointless.

Life has been throwing puzzles my way since conception, and while I keep getting more clever, they keep getting harder. This is all a new puzzle and I have the confidence that I can figure out where all the pieces will fall. Right now though, I'm just kind of separating the edge pieces from the pieces in the middle.

I just need to take a deep breath and remember who I am, internally, so that I don't let things overwhelm and frustrate me anymore.

My quote to live by for the past couple weeks?

"You've tried everyone else, now give yourself a chance." - Charles Hamilton

Just trying to figure out how to be just as successful at the same game as everyone else, but by playing by my own rules.

The Sound Is God (writing to, soon...)

Get off my dick.

Let me start by saying I'm verrrrry annoyed about half the songs on my playlist are only playing for 30 seconds right now, but I will assume that imeem is going to fix that soon to keep me from blackin.

Then let me say that Gabby accepted my apology and made one of her own, so I'm happy that is now behind us.

Then let me say that Amanda and I are mother fucking AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I don't get it.

Then let me say that Cordell is acting madddddddddddd retarded right now. This nigga got mad because I went to visit his son, who I call my nephew. WOW. Then has the nerve to call me a funny nigga. LMAO. Nigga, you are way funnier than me, real talk.

I don't know, Drake is about to get some burns...

Say What's Real

This is the life.

I reached out to Gabby today. I don't even know why I decided to do it really, I didn't spend all day planning it, and I haven't spent any time recently with it even on my mind. I guess I felt like I needed to close out whatever negativity might still exist around the whole situation. Like, if she doesn't want to fuck with me that's fine but I wanted to say my piece and let it be what it will. So, we'll see what happens...

I'm feeling really universal right now. I'm at peace. I'm just here, but I'm content just being here. This world can put me in so many moods but this is my favorite to be in. I feel like listening to Below The Heavens, smoking something and falling into the sky. I want to win the lottery so I can feel like this more often. Not having to worry about 'out there' so much with work or school, just living the way I feel like living at the time I feel like living it. Spend an afternoon being a space tourist and spend the rest of the day trying to beat Shadow of the Colossus as beautifully as possible.

*le sigh*

I should take my ass to bed now, lol.

The World Is... (floating up there)

Epiphany

I'll say this real quick and get on to the rest of the blog....

It's like we split a mirror.

Moving on, so I'm in the backseat coming back from the comedy show in L.A. listening to Drake. I'm thinking about underground rap and mainstream rap, and how they compare to each other. Mainstream artists who get extremely popular extremely quickly usually disappear just as quickly. Then, underground artists stick around for what seems like forever (if you were a huge Canibus fan back then, you still are now) but they never get to the point where they can truly cross over into a majority. Underground artists have a very loyal fanbase and that's about it.

So I'm thinking about what kind of artist I want to be and I don't really want to be either. I will not be happy as a flash in the pan, and I won't be happy isolated. I have this story to tell and I want the whole world to hear it, but if I do it to quickly or slowly, I fall into either one of those categories. So I started thinking about artists that really transcend those boundaries and thought about Jay-Z. He is so popular in the mainstream and has songs everybody knows. Then in the mainstream, he's still respected as AT LEAST top 10 emcees of all time across the board. I realized that's kind of how I want to be.

Now, whether it be with my music or my life, to really achieve that I have to find a balance. I have to show qualities that will make people like me, or to attract them, and once I've achieved that I have to give them the REST of me to make them love me. A lot of people might judge me too quickly and get me all wrong but I think I can et past that. Jay-Z had that same problem, because while he was putting out singles that were seemingly shallow, he let the people who bought the album hear the true him...

"For those that think Hov' fingers bling bling'n
Either haven't heard the album or they don't know english
They only know what the single is, and singled that out
to be the meaning of what he is about
And bein I'm about my business, not minglin much
runnin my mouth, that shit kept lingerin
But no dummy, that's the shit I'm sprinklin
The album width to keep the registers ringin"


And in true Hov fashion, he spit that on a club track. lmao.

So I have to figure out how I'm going to keep lots of people coming to me, and at the same time keep the people I really need around.....around.

So, I guess in that sense I'll be changing. But I won't be changing who I am, I'll just be changing what I seem like to allow myself more opportunities.

Lost Ones

Wings don't make you fly.

Shallow ass people. Simple minded ass people. Sad, sad people.

I got one question though..... where the hell did all these females who want to talk to me come from? lol. Shit's mad cool cuz there are even a couple who I KNOW I wouldn't have to worry about doing janky shit. I'm not even getting my hopes up though and I'm not rushing shit, my mind still isn't ready.

I put 5 songs by Drake on my mp3 player today. I've been meaning to speak on dude for a while now so it might as well be now. He's GOOD, sometimes even really good, but people need to hop off his nuts thinking he's great and shit. Everywhere I go someone is gassing this nigga like he's not still a developing artist. Being an artist and a rapper myself I can tell you right now he still has madddd kinks to work out and HE knows it too. So, chill, give the nigga some space and let him really find out where he wants to take this.

That brings to mind something I know about myself as an artist. I can rhyme my ass off, but I use the same rhyme schemes too often. I can also write very well, but essentially my creativity is lacking. Listening to other artists make songs around topics, I notice that they take their music to places that I rarely take it. That is to say, I'm a typical mixtape rapper right now and I want to be able to make creative albums. I'm going to work on it though, promise.

My grandpa is gone for about a week starting tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to having some people over. Jacuzzi won't be running but I'm sure I can get it poppin with some Domino's pizza and 2 liters of soda with a movie lol. I just want to chill.

I remember...

How I felt that day...

Every now and then...

I wonder if you are finnnnne, every now and thennnnnn...

So I'm at Mindy's house right now, mad bored but about to eat lol. I got off the phone recently, and although I can't put her business out there, I'll just say that she's oddly/terribly/frighteningly/consequently in the same position as someone in my very recent history.

Then Amanda's old not-knowing-what-the-fuck-she-wants ass is on the phone with Mindy and damn, it's like everytime she seems to be getting better, she actually isn't. I guess at the very least I can be happy that she's not being a whore, just very very very iffy. And a funny ass revelation has just been revealed! lol...

I don't know, my world is funny, I'll just continue to rape it for every nickle and damn I can. Gone.

My physical's a shell

"Some say 'Hov, how'd you get so fly?'
I say 'From not being afraid to fall out the sky!'"
- Jay-Z

Ummmmm, I'll just leave it at that for today and let y'all hear the song.

Beach Chair